Tuesday, March 10, 2009

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Robbed Rob and I This Afternoon

First of all, yes, I too noticed the irony inherent in someone named “Rob” being robbed. His name is a name, but also it is a verb, and furthermore a felony. To this end, congratulations, Mr. Armed Felon, on setting up some whimsical wordplay, possibly even a mediocre pun. That being said, let me also congratulate you on your take. You can have our collective six bucks, and I hope it buys you all of the happiness that your life obviously lacks -- I can tell because during the entire exchange you did not smile once. Not even a flash of glee derived from pulling a gun on two of the most non-threatening-looking white dudes in Southern California.

I hope you enjoy the five items (with tax) that you might procure at the local 99-Cent Store or the $5 foot-long you might get from Quizno’s (just try getting one of their good subs for six bucks! A classic italian? Yeah, right!!!). Also, I wonder why you waited untill we were leaving the Carl’s Jr.? People walking out of a restaurant always leave poorer than when they go in*. Lastly, I want you to know that I reported this to the cops. Not because of the six bucks (which does suck, by the way), but because you obviously didn’t need the money. You own a Glock-9 Semi-Automatic. Those are like five hundy!!! And you sir, are a hypocrite!

Jonah & Rob

PS - We are totally fine now! Though after two incidents in one week, we'll be staying inside a lot more.

*unless they walked in with coupons for free food


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about that. Glad you're safe. (But beware of Carl's Jr. Over time that may damage your health even more than getting shot).

btw - 'Time Machine' is genius.

Anonymous said...

A Glock-9 Semi-Automatic costs $650! Wonder where the loser found the money for that.
Glad to hear you are safe.

dtail said...

i can lend you a fiver until you're able to pay me back