Tuesday, March 10, 2009

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Robbed Rob and I This Afternoon


First of all, yes, I too noticed the irony inherent in someone named “Rob” being robbed. His name is a name, but also it is a verb, and furthermore a felony. To this end, congratulations, Mr. Armed Felon, on setting up some whimsical wordplay, possibly even a mediocre pun. That being said, let me also congratulate you on your take. You can have our collective six bucks, and I hope it buys you all of the happiness that your life obviously lacks -- I can tell because during the entire exchange you did not smile once. Not even a flash of glee derived from pulling a gun on two of the most non-threatening-looking white dudes in Southern California.

I hope you enjoy the five items (with tax) that you might procure at the local 99-Cent Store or the $5 foot-long you might get from Quizno’s (just try getting one of their good subs for six bucks! A classic italian? Yeah, right!!!). Also, I wonder why you waited untill we were leaving the Carl’s Jr.? People walking out of a restaurant always leave poorer than when they go in*. Lastly, I want you to know that I reported this to the cops. Not because of the six bucks (which does suck, by the way), but because you obviously didn’t need the money. You own a Glock-9 Semi-Automatic. Those are like five hundy!!! And you sir, are a hypocrite!

Sincerely,
Jonah & Rob

PS - We are totally fine now! Though after two incidents in one week, we'll be staying inside a lot more.

*unless they walked in with coupons for free food

3 comments:

NefariousChafe said...

Sorry to hear about that. Glad you're safe. (But beware of Carl's Jr. Over time that may damage your health even more than getting shot).

btw - 'Time Machine' is genius.

Sabina said...

A Glock-9 Semi-Automatic costs $650! Wonder where the loser found the money for that.
Glad to hear you are safe.

dtail said...

i can lend you a fiver until you're able to pay me back